One of the phobias I have that I hate the most. I’m not color blind or anything, I actually love seeing life in color. This phobia only applies once I’m in the art studio. If you guys haven’t noticed, all of my work is done in black and white. Charcoal and black watercolor pencil are my favorite tools of the trade. I love seeing shade, contrast, shadows, and highlights. I love black and white. For one, it’s so much easier to work with. Another is that I can’t mix colors for shit. I’m in Art 4 AP and I don’t know shit about mixing paint to get a certain color. Well, I know the basics. I can’t get the right colors to use to make art look like how I want it to look like. Maybe one day I’ll face my fears and actually use color in one of my works for my portfolio. That is the day I’m going to make my art teacher so so freakin proud because she can’t stop nagging about the fact that I never use color haaah.
So I’m in the middle of filling out a scholarship for students going into the petroleum engineering-related fields. I’m actually going into mechanical engineering. My parents want me to go into petroleum/mechanical while I want to get into mechanical/industrial design. So I come to this part of the scholarship where they ask me to write a little essay about why I want to do engineering. And I just don’t know how to began. Not because I have so much to say, but because I have NOTHING to say.
Sometimes I wonder, why the hell do I want to do engineering? It sounds boring as fuck. But it’s going to hella pay the bills. I’m good at math and I like physics, which is why I wanted to get into it originally. I want to work for Disney when I grow older. But then.. I’m scared if I’m going to end up hating mechanical engineering. I have teachers asking me why I’m doing engineering and not art or design. They place bets that I’m going to change my major and I want to prove them wrong. A woman in the engineering field is like a man taking nursing. They’re wanted by the industry. I know it’s going to be a good opportunity for me since I’m a female. Not much competition amongst the little number of women. But still. I’m scared for my future. Scared shitless. I know the path I’m taking, but it’s foggy as fuck.
With a relationship comes sacrifice, understanding, and acceptance. Three things that don’t always come easy for everyone. But you have to know that if you really love a person, you might have to sacrifice sometimes. I’m not talking about big things like drugs or drinking or your sports car. I’m talking about little things like not having things go your way or the way you want it to. Relationships are never one way, so you’re always going to have to think about the other person. Put yourself in their shoes. See how they feel. Understand how they feel. Also, understand your flaws and how they might affect your relationship. Realize that you’re not always right and sometimes, some things could be your fault. But you’re going to have to accept it. You’re also going to have to accept the other person for who they are. You should have already done this if you love the person. Just 3 little things that mean so much when you’re in a relationship.
Well, An Ngo and I were just chillin in her car tonight, making up stupid dance moves at a red light. I thought of one called “cutting the tree” (don’t ask) and she was like ‘that’s so stupid’ so she made up another version of it which was cooler than mine. And she was still doing the dance move when the red light turned green. Probably around 5 seconds passed after the light turned green when she was about to step on the gas when a car going about 80MPH zoomed right past us, running his red light. Thank God we didn’t go right when the light turned green because we would have been killed. Our stupidity saved our lives. This is one moment you would be thankful for, to have happened in a car with An and me. This is one evening I will never forget hah
went good! I played doubles B with Nancy and we were sited at Langham Creek. This was our first time playing together, we lost both matches. But the first match was INTENSE and took 2 hours to finish. We lugged around about 30 donuts that coach left for us. It was freezing as fuck outside, this girl gave me a heat pack :3 This is my last tennis season of high school. I’m going to miss my teeeaaam! Nancy and I played Black Ops, she’s a pro in training. I got attack dogs legitly for the first time (last time, I got it from a care package) and had 51-15. I. Am. Proud. Of. Myself. Now Fancy and I are going to get pho :)
You know, before I go on.. I just realized day 20 has to do with sexual experiences. Isn’t that just.. you know.. completely personal? LOL I might pussy out and just not do that one. I don’t have a sex life anyway.
Moving on.. I tend to not really regret things I do because everything I do comes with a lesson learned, especially if it’s something bad. But one thing that I can think of that I really do regret was drinking Everclear straight, without anything else because that shit is nasty and I just gagged thinking about it. But yeah alcohol is just a big no for me now. I regret every time I drink because it’s bad for my health and it’s just not very classy.
So I was out with my boys Paul and Andy when we stopped by Jane’s surprise birthday party. She wasn’t there yet, but I got a call from my mom sayin that I need to be home in an hour. So I was like fuck, birthday girl’s not even here and I have to leave soon. So I started MY party a little early. There were already people drinking it up and taking jello shots so I was like whyyyy not. Victoria made me a good-ass mixed drink, the only one I would ever drink besides Pho’s pineapple orange shit I don’t even remember what was in there. So twenty minutes into the party and I was already buzzed. Birthday girl finally arrived and THAT’S when it all went down. Everybody started playing beer pong and taking more and more jello shots till the only ones left were the green Everclear ones. Those hit hard. Scotty arrived and I was so happy. I met tons of new people and only remembered meeting 2 of them haaaa. Scotty ended up taking me home. I told him to stop before we got to my house so I opened the door and threw it all up. I was tootin and throwing up at the same time, I was fucking embarrassed! But he thought it was cute LOL. My barf ended up staining the pavement for like, 2 months. Shit was nasty! So I ended up walking in my door drunk as fuck but my mom thought I was just tired so I went to bed. Today, I decided that I really need to discipline myself from drinking. I had a bad hangover all day today and I really hated it. Just thinking about alcohol makes me gag, for real. I’m going to resist from drinking from now on. Of course, this is what a lot of people say after having a bad hangover but I’m going to try. Who knows how long this will last, but I really hope I follow through with this.
Just trust that she loves you. Trust that those other guys she talks to don’t mean as much as you do. Sometimes you gotta be jealous, but it shows her how much you care. Just don’t let jealousy be a reason to every fight.